Binding Hearts Blog

OOPS!

2011-10-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

Some mistakes can be easily corrected. Others take some time and effort to rectify. Still others have only minimal affect on life in the grand scheme of things.

But, what about a mistake that has wreaked unbelievable havoc and has cost the Church dearly?

I believe, and this is probably only my belief, that the Church as a whole has made a critical error. Just a few short years ago, ministries such as Teen Mania revealed startling statistics about the young generation. Below are a few of these statistics...

THIS IS A GENERATION IN CRISIS
* 1 out of 11 attempt SUICIDE each year.

* 1 out of 10 fifteen year olds and younger have gone through family divorce in their life-time.

* 58% have been involved in objectionable content on the web.

* 40% have experimented with SELF-INJURY ("are "cutters").

* Use of prescription DRUGS (Ritalin, anti-depressants etc.) by children/teens has increased substantially in the past few years.

THIS IS A GENERATION WITHOUT MORALITY
•By the time the average child graduates from high school, he/she will have watched 19,000 hours of TV including about 200,000 sexual acts and 1 million ACTS OF VIOLENCE.

•1 in 10 high school females have reported being RAPED at some point in their life.

•Fear of violence in schools is now the leading "worry" of public school teens.

•48% of high school seniors are SEXUALLY ACTIVE (had sexual intercourse in past 3 months).

THIS IS A GENERATION WITHOUT TRUTH
•91% say there is NO ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

•75% of teens in America believe the central message of the Bible is, "God helps those who help themselves".

•53% believe Jesus committed sin (40% of born again teens believe Jesus committed sin).

(Source - Teen Mania Ministries )

As I look over these statistics, I immediately see a common denominator. Sure, it is easy to see, you see it too. That denominator is the lack of a godly example in the form of parents in a Christ-centered marriage.

As if these statistics are not disturbing enough, I see a even more disturbing trend. Although the Church has ramped up their youth ministries and are investing a few hours a week into the lives of teens, many of these same teens are still under the majority influence of only moderately healthy to unhealthy, and even, broken marriages as depicted by their parents.

I am extremely thankful for these ministry efforts and the youth pastors and youth leaders who fight courageously and passionately for the lives and souls of the teens that they minister to. However, the influence of the home will not be overcome in the vast majority of these young lives, until the Church intentionally engages in marriage ministry, single parent ministry and even divorce recovery with a slant toward reconciliation.

Instead of taking a holistic approach to the epidemic, we put a band aid on a symptom while allowing the disease to continue. Instead of intentionally treating the dysfunction both within the Church and outside of the Church, we allow the majority, the primary influence, to continue spreading the disease while we build ministries that do not address the root cause. Sure, the disease is sin and the Gospel, presented in it's power, and the subsequent acceptance on the part of the hearer, remedies that portion of the epidemic.

But the influence of the parent(s) is critical.

"My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." James 3:12 NIV

The words spoken into this young generation and the actions that this young generation sees in their homes will have a profound impact on their lives.

The Church, in her failure to be intentional in ministry to marriages and families, in whatever form exists within and without of her walls, has fueled the continuance of the epidemic. Hence, the pinpoint accuracy of these statistics today. What will it take to remedy this?

Intentionality.

The Church needs pastors who are courageous enough to implement gifted leadership into these areas and set a clear explanation of why these ministries exist. Who raise up an accountability and expectation process that says, we have these ministries for you and we expect you to avail yourself to them. In short, pastors and leaders who say, "Husband and Wives, Fathers and Mothers and Families, as members/partners/attendees of this church, we expect you to strive to have Christ-centered marriages and families. And, If you are no longer married, we expect you to avail yourself to the ministries that will help you prepare to have a Christ-centered marriage in the future."

Besides leading people to salvation, the Church must be about the business of dicipling new and existing believers. As humans, we do not inheritantly know how to be a godly husband, father, wife or mother. The Church desparately needs ministries to address these issues.

As I stated in a previous paragraph, these are only my thoughts. But I firmly believe that, while this error cannot be reversed, the course can be redirected for the benefit of our current and future families. Seamless ministry involving, pastors, counselors, marriage ministry leaders, youth pastors/leaders and children's ministry pastors/leaders, together working in the same direction can bring great results through Christ.

Climbing down off of my soapbox now.

Blessings!

Watch Out For The Trap

2011-10-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

"Are you hearing things?" It is a common question in movies, especially those movies depicting a patient and therapist relationship.

Usually, the patient gets defensive and emphatically states that they are not "hearing things".

Have you ever been tempted to ask your spouse the same question? You know, during those times when your spouse reacts in such an unexpected way to something you said. You question, at least in your mind, what on earth they heard?

Truth is, we all hear things. We not only hear what is verbally spoken by our spouse and others, but, all-the-while it is being spoken, we are extrapolating the meaning and the purpose behind the words.

Often, that meaning and purpose derived from our perception and estimation becomes a distortion of the intent of our spouse.

Case in point. I woke up this morning and walked out into our kitchen to find my wife, Robin, hurrying about as she was preparing to leave for work. The first words out of her mouth were, "You need to..."

OK. I instantly had a couple of choices. I could view her words as being disrespectful and unloving and stomp off while muttering things like,

"I can't believe she didn't say good morning." Or. "Who is she to give me orders?"

Or, as I did this morning, I realized that I had slept in, I did not help her with the kids, the laundry, the bills or anything else. Oh, wait, I did make the bed, but anyway...

Here is the point. Our marriage has a real enemy. His name is Satan. He loves to drive a wedge between a husband and wife by wanting us to take offense at the words and actions of our spouse.

Robin's intent was not to say, "You're a lousy husband and your not worth greeting in the morning." No. Her intent was," I'm in a hurry, this thing that I'm asking you to do is really important to me and I NEED YOU to take care of it. She was asking me to step up and be her hero today.

Same words, entirely different meaning.

I had been hearing a buzz about a book and it's author recently. To be honest, as much as I like to write, I am not much of a reader - a fault that I'm working on. However, I heard the author speak twice last week at a conference that we were speaking at, and I was both convicted and challenged. I had Robin purchase the book for me to read as soon as we returned home.

The book is called The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. In the book, Bevere, exposes the trap that the enemy sets for all of us, regarding our relationships. That trap is, of course, offense. In marriage, if the enemy can get us to be offended, he can separate us, emotionally, relationally and spiritually from our spouse and, ultimately, from God.

Recognizing the temptation to take offense with our spouse, is key to spiritually protecting your spouse and your marriage.

My prayer today, was,

"God, I know that Robin was communicating from her heart this morning. I know that she loves me and needs me to help her with what she asked. Help me not to allow offense to come between her and I and between us and You."

Have you allowed satan's trap of offense into your marriage? Or, are you spiritually protecting your marriage?

Do not merely listen to the words that your spouse speaks to you, but listen to what they are truly speaking - from the heart.

Do Not Press This Button

2011-09-19T12:03:00.001-07:00

This weekend, the subject of buttons came ups several times; so, I had to post something about marriage as it relates to buttons.

Yesterday, Robin and I had the privilege of having lunch with another couple. Our time was spent with some good food and great conversation. The conversation was quite humorous as we shared our experiences in marriage, family and ministry.

Near the end of our time together, in response to something that was said, I made one of my usual statements about how no person can make us angry. We simply choose to become angry in certain situations.

The conversation continued with the wives mentioning about how we, as husbands and wives, can walk on or push each other's buttons - buttons which can fuel a negative and sometimes explosive reaction.

We all have buttons - those vulnerable areas, which we try to protect so much that we hide them away and seldom address the need to work through them.

While we are all fairly predictable, our buttons can change regularly - even daily. We know how frustrated a wife can become when something she says or does causes little or no reaction in her husband one day and causes a massive explosion the next.

Or. The confusion a husband feels when he can say the exact same words, in the exact same tone and in a very similar situation and have two very different outcomes in regard to how his wife will react.

The typical end result of these scenarios? NOTHING. We stop doing anything for FEAR of our spouses reaction. The marriage then becomes isolated and driven by fear and avoidance.

Here is how it, practically, plays out:

•We don't talk about those issues -Communication Isolation.
•We don't put ourselves in situations, as a couple or with other couples, where those issues may come up - Relational Isolation.
•We bury the issue and never address it within ourselves - Heart Isolation.
•We cannot fully abandon ourselves to enjoy the physical intimacy of our love - Physical Isolation.
•Our ability to be intimate with each other and with God is hindered - Spiritual Isolation.

When we fail to control our reactions or fail to respond in a well thought-out manner we strip away the stabilizing factors of safety and security in our marriage.

As a Christian husband or wife, we need to provide a place of safety and security for our spouse in which we can share together. A place where we can speak the truth in love, and share the most intimate of our thoughts and what we are feeling.

Safety and security speaks of protection. Do we truly love our spouse?

"It (Love) always protects" 1 Corinthians 13:7a.

Loving our spouse is not shown by avoiding our spouses buttons. It is shown by working together through those issues that each of us have. When we do that, we protect each other and we disconnect the power that those buttons release.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave & Robin

UNBELIZEABLE!

2011-08-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

What can we say?

We arrived in Belize last Saturday and were awed by the beauty of the lush foliage, the fragrance of the variety of flowers and the view of the Mayan Mountains in the distance.

After our journey to the Village of San Antonio (population 4000), we were greeted by village leaders who insisted on helping us with our luggage. We were immediately family, bonded with Christ's love.

We were able to minister in the church service on Sunday morning - Robin and I singing on the praise team. After the service we prayed for the church members under a powerful anointing of God's Holy Spirit.

Sunday afternoon the entire team went to the home of an 18 year old girl who had recently been diagnosed with Leukemia. While we went to pray for her, she ministered to us with her unwavering faith and encouragement.

On Monday we begin the construction and refurbishing projects at the School.

The conditions at this facility, compared to the schools in the States, are very lacking. It broke our hearts to see the equipment and classrooms that are utilized at this school serving nearly 300 students.

After a days work in the heat and humidity, we prepared for the first night of the marriage conference. We learned that there is a planned start time and a Belizean start time - typically 45 minutes to an hour after the scheduled start time.

The conference, the first of it's kind in the area, was well attended and served as an introduction to this kind of teaching to the area pastors and village leaders. It was our first time preaching and teaching with the help of an interpreter.

After the first night, we were hearing reports of the pastors and leaders excitement. There were pastors saying,

"We have never heard this taught. This teaching is good and strong."
"This is so needed in our Country."

Each night of the conference concluded with me talking with many men and Robin ministering, hugging and crying with many women.

The culture in Belize is not favorable for women. Often women feel as if they are in bondage. The freedom that Christ can bring to marriages is so needed in this Country.

We did not fully realize what God had purposed to do through us this week. Not until Thursday. I was invited to meet with all the area pastors for a morning meeting resembling more of a meeting of the tribal chiefs. Some of our colleagues in marriage ministry had donated marriage ministry material and I distributed a pack of books to each pastor. After describing the content and explaining how to use each book in ministry, the pastors began asking questions.

They were most curious about the fact that Robin and I minister together - both preaching and teaching. In Belize, women typically do not minister in the churches, save but for singing. The pastors were interested in how they can begin incorporating women into ministry opportunities.

We could see the rust on the wheels of equality and freedom begin to fall off, as the pastors pondered my words, words given by the Holy Spirit in a crucial point in time.

Later that evening, while walking back to the school from a benefit concert for Samantha, the girl diagnosed with Leukemia, we were stopped repeatedly by couples wanting to thank us for coming. Many said,

"We prayed as a couple for the first time this week." "We have taught other couples the prayer model already." " We need more teaching and other couples in other villages need to hear this."

Robin and I walked the remaining distance in tears. God has started something amazing in the hearts of the Belizean pastor's, couples and families.

We've been invited back. We are praying. With the need so great and a welcoming door so wide open...

What can we say?

THANK YOU to all who prayed and sacrificed their finances to make this trip possible. Lives, marriages and families have been changed through your effort. We are eternally grateful.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave & Robin

Bring the Charges

2011-06-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

"Bring the charges? I thought that we, as Christian couples, were supposed to overlook our spouse's faults?"

Sure, we are to be striving to do that, but the reality for most couples necessitates the need for some ground rules when we tread the all-to-familiar waters of failing to turn the other cheek.

Have you ever came home only to walk in the door and the first words you hear are in the tone of an executioner? Forget the arraignment, the hearing, the trial and sentencing, why not just put a verbal bullet through our spouse's head and let them lay where they fell?

Sadly, this is all too common in marriages today. We fail to, gently and respectfully, bring the charges to our spouses attention, before we, within a nano-second, execute judgement.

For women, before a word is spoken, they immediately sense a lack of security and protection. There will be no hug, no kiss, no welcoming of the wife back into the arms of her husband. Then the wife feels rejected and abandoned. Yeah, that will motivate her for sure!

For men, words will be spoken, with their wife's eyes first, then with their tone. A tone that is akin to words such as "Bad Dog! Bad!" He immediately feels disrespected and silently vows that he "will never allow her to treat him like that again." At that point, she is no longer being heard, he's, internally, too furious.

Simply put, both husband and wife are trying to express a need - be it help with the dishes or some encouragement. However, harsh tones and emotional abandonment will NEVER allow those needs to be met.

So, if you can't overlook the offenses of your spouse, at least be reasonable enough to bring the charges in a gentle, loving and respectful way. How?

Use sentences that begin with "I need..." "I know that you didn't mean to..., but I..." Use quiet tones without sarcasm.

Practice what you are going to say in front of a mirror. Look at your facial expressions and listen to the tone of your voice. These things may be communicating something to your spouse that you never intended.

Since most of us cannot completely live ideally, this side of heaven, we can, at least, learn to live with mutual respect and love.

Monday Marriage Minder - 4-4-2011 - Fruit Loops - Part 9 - "Gentleness"

2011-04-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" Galatians 5:22-23 NLT "I can't believe that you said that!" "I can't believe that you said that like that!" Have you ever thought or said either of those sentences? Chances are that you have. Most, if not all, of us have reacted to something that was said to us or how it was said to us in a similar manner. As we are nearing the end of this series, I have realized that if the Fruit of the Spirit is not evident in our most intimate relationship, how then will our lives be Spirit led, Spirit filled and Spirit formed and evident to all that we come in contact with? The way we speak to our spouse is just as important as the words we use when we speak to our spouse. Gentleness is a Fruit of the Spirit that goes a long way in working through disagreements and fostering security in the marriage relationship. "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Eph 4:2-3 NIV If this truly applies to the Church then it has to apply to marriages for we, as couples, are part of the church, are we not? Harshness or rude remarks and actions only intensify problems and these things serve to tear down a marriage. On a gentleness scale of 1-10, how would you honestly rate your thoughts, attitudes, words and actions toward your spouse? Be gentle! For Marriages, Dave & Robin

Passive - Destructive Marriages

2011-03-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

Today, I was contemplating the danger of being passive in our marriage. Just as we need to be active in the daily pursuit of our spouse (yes, you still need to pursue him/her after you are married - plus it is so much more fun when you catch him/her) we need to actively engage in spiritual warfare as a couple. It takes action. The enemy of our marriages, through life and his schemes, tries his dead-level best to bring us down.

We can't afford to just waltz through life, thinking that everything will be fine with no action on our part. It's time to pull our heads out of the sand, spit it out of our mouths and declare that we will play an active part offensively - in what God wants to do in our marriages and defensively - resisting what our enemy is always trying to bring against us.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV

This passage follows one of the most powerful passages of the Bible - dealing with relationships. The word "Finally" means - In light of all this, or, perhaps, because this is so important and the enemy will target you because of this. - These show our need for action.

Read that passage again with your sweetheart today - then be doers of the Word you read! Don't be passive!

2011-03-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

Robin and I returned yesterday evening from spending the weekend with one of the most loving, giving and hospitable families that we have ever met.

We were in town to minister during a marriage conference and to bring the Word on Sunday. I believe that we were probably more blessed by the Lord through this family and the people of the church, than they were through us.

This family welcomed us into their home, included us in their weekend plans and made us feel like they genuinely wanted us there.

When you stay in someones home, for even a short amount of time, you can't help but get to know them. We met three of their five children, a nephew, his wife and their little boy. Robin and I were blown away at how polite, friendly and open each family member was.

It did not take me long to figure out what it was about this family that made them so close. It was the fruit of goodness. The husband and wife, together, guarded their home, only letting that which is good to enter. From entertainment choices to activities, these were only acceptable if they were healthy and honored God.

This family also extends goodness to others, laboring tirelessly for the good of individuals, other families and their community.

This couple's children, all grown, are visibly reaping the benefits of the goodness with which they were raised. Subsequently, they are now displaying this fruit in their own lives.

As parents, what are we allowing into our homes and into our lives and the lives of our children? Do we stand guard, assessing those things and allowing only the healthy activities and the goodness of the Holy Spirit to pass?

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy —

think about such things."
Phil 4:8-9 NIV

What would our marriages, families and churches look like if we vowed to only receive -look at, listen to and allow in our hearts and minds - that which is pleasing to God? And, if we vowed to demonstrate only goodness to everyone around us? What would that do for the "Loop" that would encircle back to us as a result of our remaining true to such vows?

Goodness is one "Fruit- Loop" that we need to receive and display more in our lives.

For Marriages,

Dave & Robin

Monday Marriage Minder - 3-7-2011 - "Fruit Loops" - Part 6 - "Kindness"

2011-03-07T07:15:00.000-08:00

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

Have you ever gone to the cupboard for a box of cereal, only to find a near empty inner bag containing a small portion of fractured pieces that is often more dust than cereal? Frustrating and disappointing, is it not?

Sadly, as inconsequential as a wee bit of cereal is, we often experience, to a much greater degree, the feelings of disappointment, loss and disconnection when the amount of kindness present within the confines of our marital box is in short supply.

When such is the case, it feels as though someone has jumped up and down on our box - crushing the life-giving substance to the point that it is beyond use or worth.

This lack of kindness is ruining marriages at an alarming rate today. When this Fruit of the Spirit is not being manifested in our marriage, there is a bone and relationship-chilling coldness that creeps into our hearts and lives.

I remember watching a music video in which the main character, a man, was sitting at a bar, peeling the label off of a bottle while singing these words...

"Well, it's too hot to fish,
too hot for golf
and too cold at home."

We have all been there. An icy stare, a cold and thoughtless remark. Well, remarks are seldom thoughtless, I mean, we do have to think it before we say it. Failing to show kindness is often just as intentional as showing kindness. It is, most often, pre-meditated. We plan to show kindness or a lack of kindness to our spouse in an attempt to bless, love and cherish, or, conversely, to manipulate, seek revenge and hurt.

Kindness is an intentional thing. It is not something that just happens. Throughout scripture, God showed his kindness to his people. He chose to do it.

What is amazing to me is the fact that showing kindness attracts. It attracts people, it positively affects relationships and it builds bridges of growth and peace.

On the other hand, a lack of kindness, will tear down and destroy. Even the strongest of persons will eventually wear and break in an atmosphere where kindness is in want.

Think of it this way. What attracted you to Christ? Was it because that he is the all-powerful Son of God? Or was it his kindness - the kindness that demonstrated his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) That is true kindness.

He showed kindness to us even while we were not deserving. He continues to do this and we still are not deserving. Do not miss the significance of Christ's example here. Are we ever tempted to only demonstrate kindness when we feel our spouse deserves our kindness? In light of Christ's example, who are we to do that?

Real life questions. When you and your spouse get home today, what will the both of you come home to? Will your spiritual, relational and physical home be filled with kindness and warmth? Or will the icy and willful condition of your hearts liken the environment to the chilly conditions outside of our house today?

This is one "Fruit Loop" that can yield amazing results when we apply it. When we choose to show kindness, with time, it becomes reciprocal, and even if it does not, Christ's kindness will continue to be extended to you.

You choose,

For Marriages,

Dave & Robin

Fruit Loops - Part 5 - Patience

2011-02-28T09:32:00.000-08:00

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

The first words that broke the silence of slumber at our house, this morning was, "I don't hear the sump pump running." Robin had cause for concern. During a hard rain and, especially, a hard rain coupled with a large snow-melt, if the sump pump in the corner of our basement stops working, our basement can quickly become a murky swimming pool.

I bolted down the stairs, still groggy from the 7 hour drive home from a weekend conference on the east coast. Sure enough, the massive amount of water that was coursing through our drains had overloaded our pump.

I quickly got dressed, jumped into the van and went to our local home improvement store to buy a new pump. On arriving home I found Robin and our two oldest boys bailing water into buckets, coolers and anything else that they could find that would hold water. Despite their efforts, water was coming in through the base of the walls - claiming the carpeting in 2 of the boy's rooms.

I was rushing to assemble the new pump into our drain system while, in shear frustration, Robin kept me informed of the increasing water damage.

Needless to say we were not being as patient with each other as we could have been. Robin would say, "It's (the water) heading for Alex's room!" Or, something similar to that effect. To which I would repeatedly and sharply answer, "We're all working as fast as we can!"

We share in our conferences that patience is developed through enduring trials and tests. A flooding basement would certainly be considered a trial; however, I don't know that Robin and I scored very well in our mastery of it.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Eph 4:2 NIV

We also share that we never fully arrive at mastering how we think, speak and act toward our spouse and that it is an ongoing and intentional process.

Yeah, well, Robin and I need to get back to work on our basement - and on our patience...

For Marriages,

Dave & Robin

Fruit Loops - Part 4 - "Peace"

2011-02-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

There is no law against these things!"
Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

This morning, I walked from our bedroom to our dining room to find Robin intently focused on her morning devotions. I waited until she looked up, her eyes catching mine and then proceeded to express my affection for her through our intimate "Good Morning" filled with kisses.

In several instances during this passed week, Robin has expressed her happiness to me and, I, to her. God has blessed us with a great marriage; however, it wasn't always so.

I used to be the king of selfishness and Robin had a temper. Add to the mix, my own temper and the combination quickly became deadly. My selfish actions would provoke her and she would, instinctively, lash out. To which I would react with more selfishness.

Peace, to us, was often little more than a form of dé·tente. Relaxing in our strained relationship, each of us trying hard to not upset or provoke the other.

True peace was something that we both longed for but had never achieved, until we unconditionally surrendered to Christ and, subsequently, to his Holy Spirit.

The gift of the Holy Spirit and the practice of the same has produced the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives and in our marriage. There is a calmness and a serenity in each other's company that was lacking for so many years before.

Robin experienced the presence and power of the Holy Spirit years ago, before I did and a change began to take place in our marriage. Later, when I received the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, our marriage dynamic radically improved even more.

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.

I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:26-27 NIV

Imagine that. We can live at perfect peace in our marriages - taught by the Holy Spirit as we submit ourselves to the Lordship of Christ. It is a gift from our Lord that is cultivated in marriage by two individuals living a Spirit-formed, Spirit-led and covenant life.

Do we cultivate the fruit of peace in our own life? Do we allow the Holy Spirit to change us - sanding down our rough edges and flaws and growing us into instruments of his peace?

Do you have peace in your marriage? If not, ask God to change you and then allow him to do it. The change he works in your life will effect your spouse as well while you focus on the Lord.

"You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"
Isa 26:3 NLT

Be a Peace-Liver and a Peace-Giver!

Peace-Out!

For Marriages,

Dave & Robin

For Wives

2010-12-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

Wives - Please read this and then answer the following question in a comment.

How would you respond to your husband if he truly loved you as Christ loved the church?

Our Christmas Prayer

2010-12-07T13:11:00.001-08:00

"It isn't about making money.

It's all about the need.

So many marriages are hurting,

while so many are consumed with greed.

Our Christmas prayer is that You would hold

Binding Hearts in Your powerful hand,

allow us to make a Kingdom impact

and help marriages take a stand."

- Amen

Rescue a marriage - save a family; save a family - strengthen the Church - Do we still think it isn't our problem?

What Are You Giving This Christmas?

2010-11-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

From the World's point of view, the Christmas season has begun. Millions of Christmas gifts will be bought today in an effort to show affection toward or please someone.

However, when it comes to gift giving, I think John 3:16 says it best. "For God so LOVED the world that he GAVE..." God gave out of the love that HE IS and can only come from him (1 John 4:7-8).

You will give a lot this Christmas. Are you giving out of that true & godly love, or are you giving from a counterfeit that is based solely on your feelings.

It's not what you give, it's the source from which it's given. The greatest gifts cannot be bought, wrapped, bagged, boxed, checked-out or shipped. The greatest gifts are what you give of yourself in love. God's Love!

Monday Marriage Minder 10-4-2010 "Where Are You Looking?"

2010-10-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

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Monday Marriage Minder 9-20-2010 "En-Garde"

2010-09-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

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Monday Marriage Minder 9-6-2010 "Darkness Among Us"

2010-09-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

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Monday Marriage Minder - "Borrowed Time

2010-06-07T15:46:00.001-07:00

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."
Proverbs 5:18-19 NIV

"I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom — there I will give you my love."
Song of Solomon 7:10-12 NIV

Wow! I think I might need to open a window. Steamy stuff, smoking off the pages of God's Word. And to think that some people, ignorantly, call God's Word boring. Hardly.

I want to ask you a question. How are you spending your time together as a couple? If you are like Robin and I, your time and attention seems to be always divided and, often, diverted away from the second most important relationship that we have - our relationship with our spouse.

I am writing from recent and current experience. In the midst of the seemingly chaotic days of our life, Robin and I have become painfully aware of the time we are borrowing from "OUR" time.

You know what I am talking about. Instead of stealing moments away together, we continue, full speed ahead, with activities with our kids, house projects, daily chores and the list could go on. Even though these things are important, we often forget to count the cost that is demanded.

The Costs of Borrowing

1. Relational Bankruptcy

We are all given 24 hours in a day. Regardless of what anyone says, that 24 hours is the same length for everyone - not one second longer or shorter. We can use our 24 hours to do important things. However, if those important things take over and begin to exclude the urgent need we have for time with our spouse, then we are headed for disaster.

Time, in our current reality, is in a state of constant progression. If we choose to "borrow" the time we could spend with our spouse and use it in another activity, then the relational account we have with our spouse for that day receives a deduction.

String enough withdrawals together, even over a short period of time and a marriage could be headed for bankruptcy.

2. Fatigue

Beyond borrowing time, when we choose another activity other than being with our spouse we have to borrow the energy which could have been used with our spouse - in conversation, in a walk or in an intimate encounter. It all takes energy.

Is it any wonder why so many couples state that they feel so distant from each other? They fall into bed at night, too exhausted - mentally, to even have a coherent conversation; emotionally , to even understand those three little words; and, physically? Dream On!

Our lifestyles in this world of ease and convenience is draining the life out of many marriages.

3. Priority Importance

Priorities are a must for any marriage. I'm not writing about the theoretical but the practical priorities that we strive to live out in our day to day lives.

I recently read a fact that was posted by a friend and fellow marriage ministry provider, Stephen Buckner, that said that couples that pray together are 90% more likely to report high satisfaction in their sex lives than couples who do not pray together. Think about it...

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33 NIV

"Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalms 37:4 NIV

Am I implying that praying together as a couple will automatically result in a more satisfying sex life? Indirectly - Yes!

I submit that those couples who pray together are less concerned with the things that Christ was warning his audience about in the above verse. If they are less concerned with those things they would not be borrowing time and energy from their time with each other to pursue those things.

I like a clean house, a well kept yard, clean dishes and clothes. But we must be careful, we can have all of those things and still end up in marital bankruptcy. On the other hand, stop doing those things and you will experience an equal disaster.

Balance!

I could get into living out the married love described in the Song of Solomon. Instead of living on borrowed time, perhaps we would be better off to begin living on balanced time. Where do we find that balance? Ask that of God in your PRAYER TIME today!

For Marriages,

Dave

Repeating the Important

2010-05-14T07:15:00.001-07:00

I recently attended a conference that featured a variety of well-known speakers. One of these speakers was the legendary, Zig Ziglar. I was looking forward to hearing him; however, what I didn't know was that he had fallen a few years ago and has suffered short term memory loss. He speaks with the help of his daughter, who does her best to keep him on track.

With his impaired memory, Zig would keep returning to and reiterating one topic, loving and cherishing your spouse. At the time, I could feel the crowds uneasiness as Zig would repeat what he had just said moments earlier. I felt sad, knowing the history of this great orator and then to see him in a diminished capacity.

Over the last 2 days since the conference; however, I have been contemplating a new perspective. While it wasn't Zig's intent to repeat the same thing over and over, it may have been God's intent to drive a message home to the thousands attending that day.

Success isn't measured by wealth, possessions or even talent. It is measured by God and our relationships with our spouse, family and friends. Are you chasing the important? That is a question worth repeating everyday!

Monday Marriage Minder - "Stuff to Do For..."

2010-05-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

Our daughter, Kaitlin, recently gave Robin and I a note which she entitled, "Stuff to Do For Mom & Dad"
Upon reading it, I immediately realized that the wisdom coming from our nine year-old girl, was worth sharing.

Little did Kaitlin know, her penciled words go far beyond something that a child can do for his/her parents. There are lessons for husbands and wives as well. Well, enough only from me. I will comment on Kaitlin's words.

Stuff to Do For Your Spouse

1. Give him/her the best hug. - Not just a hug - the BEST hug! A hug that far surpasses the mechanical routine we often fall into.
2. Give him/her a kiss. - A kiss is one of the most intimate and demonstrative actions of love and affection that we can give our spouse.
3. Make him/her feel happy. - I love Kaitlin's innocence, here. While we cannot make anyone feel happy, we can strive to be a blessing to our spouse.
4. Help him/her when he/she is sick. - Are we being strong in Christ when our spouse is physically, emotionally or spiritually weak? (Kaitlin added the word "stressed" onto my list - hmm.)
5. Help him/her when something hurts. - For a husband and wife, a good back-rub does wonders for far more than an aching back - just saying...
6. Do something when told to do it. - For husbands and wives, I will exchange the word, "told" for the word, "ask". Personal comment -"Ouch!"

It's amazing what we can learn from a hand-written note from a nine year old child.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave & Kaitlin!

Mini Marriage Minder

2010-04-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

"One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple do not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough." ~ Gay Hendricks

Monday Marriage Minder - 4-12-2010 "God..."

2010-04-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

"Many years later the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery and cried out. Their cries for relief from their hard labor ascended to God: God listened to their groanings. God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw what was going on with Israel. God understood" Exodus 2: 23-25 (The Message)

Imagine how tough a life of slavery would be - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Being in bondage and seeing no way out would be enough to completely break a person. I wonder how many of the Israelites were tempted to give up on their prayers for deliverance? Quite a few, I suppose.

I am reminded about how often we find ourselves, or encounter others in discouraging, fearful and, seemingly, hopeless situations in our marriages or family. But, there is good news! Just as God cared for the children of Israel in their bondage to Egypt, God cares for you and I in the problems and situations of our lives.

Look at what the Bible says about our God...

1.God listened - Just as God heard the cries of his people in bondage, he hears our cries and our prayers today. We can be assured that God has his attention directed toward each one of us at all times.

2.God remembered - God remembered his covenant with Abraham and did not abandon his people. Neither has Christ abandoned us or his covenant with us - a covenant written with his own blood. Although there are times in our lives when we feel alone, we can stand convinced that Christ will never leave us or abandon us, at any time.

3.God saw - God was fully aware of his people's situation and, at the proper time, he acted upon what he saw. Isn't it awesome to know that God is looking at us, right now? He knows our needs, our feelings and our desires. He sees us!

4. God understood - Beyond listening, remembering and seeing, God understands what we are going through no matter how great or how small the circumstance. That's incredible! God is infinitely able to understand, empathize and show compassion to his people. Additionally, when his son, Jesus Christ, became flesh, he also became acquainted with everything we go through on this earth.

No matter what you or someone you know may be going through in your marriage; be it illness, financial strain, betrayal, loneliness or anything- God will listen - talk to him. God will remember - you can count on his promises when you are faithful to him. God sees you- right where you are, in every circumstance and in every need. Finally, God will understand - you can cast ALL your problems on him.

Trust God in your marriage and for your marriage. Live your life, knowing knowing that God is always near and intimately aware of your needs and desires. He loves you that much.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - 4-5-2010 - "Little Things"

2010-04-05T13:48:00.000-07:00

"Quick! Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love, for the grapevines are all in blossom." Song of Solomon 2:15 NLT

Every now and then life presents an opportunity through which we can learn a lesson that will apply to more than just our physical life.

Case in point. This morning, I was explaining to my sons the importance of removing the gravel that our snow-blower transplanted into our yard this past winter, before we cut our grass. I realize that the task of raking each piece of gravel back onto the driveway is not easy. However, the smallest piece of gravel, thrown by a mower blade, can cause big problems. A broken window on our house or on one of our vehicles is the least of our worries. Someone getting hit by a #57 limestone bullet is a down-right scary thought.

Needless to say, the boys did a fine job, and I only remember hearing the blades launch one piece of gravel. However, the importance of removing the gravel from our yard reminded me of how important it is to keep the little things that creep into our lives in check.

God intends married love to blossom and grow with time. But there are little things, such as our attitude, selfishness and the memories of past hurts, that keep many marriages from thriving.

What would happen if, tomorrow we determined that we would not allow the little things that could negatively influence our thoughts and actions to have any power and allowed Christ to remove them from our lives?

First, I believe there would be many surprised and pleased spouses. Second, I know that many marriages would begin to thrive. You see, there are plenty of good, even great, marriages. But relatively few marriages truly thrive.

We spend a great deal of our time focusing on big things while allowing the little things to add up. It is the little things - the little pieces of gravel that rob us in our marriages. If we accumulate enough gravel in the yard of our marriages, some one will, eventually, get hurt when the blade of circumstance hits it.

The verse at the beginning of this devotion depicts those little things as little foxes. Do not let the little foxes or gravel in your marriage ruin it for you and your family.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - "Love Notes"

2010-03-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

"I love you more today than I ever have before. You make me proud to be your wife! You are an awesome Pastor and a great man! You are my everything!"

After I had received and read that text message from my wife last night, I felt as though I could conquer the world. What man wouldn't? What man wouldn't be moved by such affirmation?

Far too often we underestimate the power of our words. Our words can lift someone's spirit to soaring heights, or grind their hearts into despair. No wonder Proverbs 18:21 in The Message, reads...

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison
or fruit—you choose."

Our words can have a tremendous effect and affect on our marriages. Rather than pick apart my weaknesses, Robin chose words that built me up. Words like, love, proud, awesome, great and everything. Powerful words, and Robin knows that words are my love language.

Even in situations where there may be more negatives than positives present in a marriage, I truly believe that focusing on those positives - praising those words and behaviors that build, rather than destroy - will cause the negatives to eventually shrink out of sight.

For an excellent example of the efficacy of uplifting words in a marriage relationship, read the Song of Songs together as a couple. In this Old Testament book, you will see the playful and loving back-and-forth poetic banter between two lovers. The passages read just like love notes, written and placed in the conspicuous places of that day.

Are you struggling in a certain area of your marriage? Try focusing on and praising your spouse in the areas of your marriage that are good. I believe you will be pleasantly surprised.

No matter if you speak it, write it, text it, tweet it or facebook it, your words can contain life or death, praises or insults. By choosing your words - you choose the effect your words will have. Choose well!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

2010-03-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever realized how many circumstances of our lives, our marriages and our families are determined by our choices? Joshua had it right - "Choose this day, Whom you will serve!"

Monday Marriage Minder - 3-15-10 "Basic Training"

2010-03-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6 NIV

The verse, above, is often taken as a guarantee that a child raised in a Christian home and taught biblical principals will remain in the faith forever. Surely, teaching our children these things are important to their spiritual formation; however, some parents find themselves at a paradox when a child grows up and does turn away.

While pondering this verse today, the thought struck me that this verse is more of a command than a promise. Instilling Christian values and beliefs in our children is a priority for us parents. Dilligently teaching and demonstrating the parcels of that priority will not be without benefit for the child and reward for the parent.

Teachers will tell you that children learn through many avenues. Sight, touch, hearing, the sense of smell and taste, all lend to the learning experience. The more the senses are applied to learning, the more intense the memory of the lesson(s).

Of course, God knows this, hence the written command in Deuteronomy 6:4-9,

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." NIV

If our efforts to train our children are only verbal, containing words that only tell our children what is right, then we are missing opportunities for a greater impact on their young lives.

What would happen if, as husbands, wives and parents, we demonstrated Christ-like behavior through service to others? What if living the Christian life was saturated into our children daily? In doing so, the Gospel becomes far more that words on a page - it truly becomes alive.

We all teach. The question is, will we teach well?
There are plenty of opportunities to teach in word and deed. Your home church, it's ministries, para-church organizations, and various other ministries are great places to get in some basic training.

There was an old saying that stated that,
"The Family that prays together, stays together." Let's take that a bit further. The husband and wife that pray together, teach together, serve together and include their children in the process, will, I believe, stay together.

Living, loving, praying, learning and serving together!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

2010-03-10T06:35:00.001-08:00

"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife." ~ Barbara De Angelis

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

2010-03-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

"Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." ~ Samuel Johnson

Who or what is your source for hope?

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of-the-Day

2010-03-03T04:58:00.000-08:00

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." ~ Mark Twain

Monday Marriage Minder - "Happy" Series - Part 8 - "Hand-In-Hand"

2010-03-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

“God blesses those who are persecuted because they live for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” Matt 5:10 NLT

Of all the stops during this journey, this week’s stop has been on my mind for the entire trip thus far. Sure, I have enjoyed discovering the truths and practices at each stop with you; however, once we continued on in the journey, my mind would immediately be thinking ahead to this stop.

It’s a difficult place, this place called persecution. The very name engenders thoughts that ask me, “What do you know about persecution?”, “How are you being persecuted?” and, “How are you ever going to relate this part of the passage to marriage while still capturing the true heart of this verse?” Good questions, for sure. I'll make a prayerful attempt at answering these questions.

Happiness within the context of a marriage is found close to the heart of God. As each of us draws closer to the heart of God, the more Christ-like become. Subsequently, the more Christ-like we become, the more different we seem to some of the people watching our lives.

This process, while positive, rewarding and necessary, is not free from problems arising from the clash of our beliefs, convictions and lifestyle with those of a differing worldview.

The Apostle Peter, said it best when he wrote:

“Of course, your former friends are very surprised when you no longer join them in the wicked things they do, and they say evil things about you.” 1 Peter 4:4 NLT

Our very lives, as a husbands and wives, will become a testimony to the power of Christ. This testimony, however, will not always be quickly accepted and praised by everyone. Therein lays part of the persecution. Alienation, abandonment and outright accusations may become part of the process.

So what do we do? Do we stop associating with the couples that poke fun at our “religion”? No! It is that same testimony lived in full view of the people within our sphere of influence that will not only lead others to Christ, but lead to our happiness.

Another form of persecution will come in the form of today’s media. Last night, after watching the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games, I watched a new show called “The Marriage Ref”. I have been hearing about this show for weeks and the title, naturally, intrigued me. I was skeptical about the shows pretext. In an attempt to be humorous, the show demonstrated how little value is placed on the covenant of marriage with the host claiming that “anyone who is contemplating marriage, has been married, is married, or is just getting out of a marriage is an expert on marriage.” I winced at that statement.

Can happiness in marriage be found in one spouse being declared the winner while the other – the loser? Sadly, this is where we are as a society. Counseling schedules, courtroom dockets and many forms of media are full of couples who are individually more concerned about winning than they are about their marriage.

All persecution for the Christian, is ultimately directed at Christ. When we stand hand-in-hand as Christian couples, the world will notice and many will be offended because of what our union represents. But, oh the promise that awaits us – the Kingdom of Heaven!

Can I encourage you as couples to, even tonight, reaffirm your covenant with your spouse and declare again that you will continue to stand hand in hand together regardless of what comes your way?

Keep doing that and happiness will be waiting ahead.

The Journey continues…

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Mini-Marriage Minder - Quote of-the-Day

2010-02-26T03:41:00.000-08:00

" Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." - Tom Mullen

Mini Marriage Minder - Quote-of the Day

2010-02-24T14:03:00.001-08:00

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." - Barbara De Angelis

Monday Marriage Minder 2-22-10 - "Blow Your Own Whistle"

2010-02-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

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Words of Wisdom

2010-02-17T04:06:00.000-08:00

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming - 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. 2. Whenever you're right, shut up." - Patrick Murra

Never Too Early

2010-02-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

On Sunday and Monday of this week, I had the pleasure of spending some time with some 5th and 6th graders at a winter retreat. On Monday, at a break-out session for just the guys (yes, the girls had one of there own), we discussed what is expected of a godly man - specifically a godly husband and father.

At one time, the speaker posed this question to the 75+ boys in the group.

Do you dream of becoming a husband and father?

I was amazed as over 3/4 of the group indicated that they did! During the session, I was standing in the back of the room hardly being able to contain my excitement - saying YES! This is what we need to be teaching now.

It is never too early to start teaching what it means to be a godly husband/father or a godly wife/mother to our kids. If this teaching is taking place in the home - great! However, imagine if we start teaching this in our churches and communities. We could see a relationship revolution!

Teach well!

Monday Marriage Minder 2-15-10 - "Open"

2010-02-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

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"We"

2010-02-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I attended a meeting of area pastors for a time of prayer, fellowship and discussion. After the meeting I shared my heart and some of the vision God has given us in regard to Binding Hearts.

After just a few minutes of sharing about how God is blessing us with the opportunity to reach more marriages through the Monday Marriage Minder devotional and the subsequent costs involved. Several pastors expressed interest in partnering with us in a very real and tangible way.

God is awesome. I must admit, for much of the past 6 years, we have felt isolated and alone in this ministry. However, we are now feeling the support of our small, but growing partnership base. We know that there are prayers going up, not only on our behalf, but for the marriages that we are ministering to as well.

If you have ever said a prayer for this ministry - YOU are a partner! If you have ever suggested us to your friends and family on facebook or have forwarded the Monday Marriage Minder devotion email to anyone - YOU are a partner.
Finally, if you have donated to this ministry, please know how much this has blessed us and - YOU are a partner.

If you have done any of these three things, we want you to know that there are marriages still intact and thriving today and there will be souls in heaven because of your partnership.

There are many opportunities on the horizon for Binding Hearts and, as we grow, we can begin to expand into those opportunities. If you have not partnered with us in any of these ways, I would like to extend the opportunity to you to do so.

Together, through Christ, WE can make a difference in marriages and families.

Blessings!

For Marriages and Families

Dave & Robin

Monday Marriage Minder 2-8-2010 "Change Your Perspective"

2010-02-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

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Monday Marriage Minder 2-1-2010 "A Table For Three"

2010-02-01T12:24:00.000-08:00

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Monday Marriage Minder 1-25-10 "Be a Servant"

2010-01-26T11:05:00.000-08:00

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Mourning Leads to Happiness?

2010-01-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matt 5:4 NLT

The second stop on this journey to happiness brings us to somewhat of a paradox. Imagine stepping off of a train that is destined for a place called happiness. It is a pit stop of sorts, one needed to obtain some supplies. In our case, we need to obtain some more information – some additional directions for the journey.

Once off of the train, we look up and see the sign that announces our present location – “Mourning”. So, on a train bound for happiness we are stopped in “Mourning”. Confused? Good! Read On…

Briefly think about the word mourning, what thoughts does this word engender? No doubt our immediate thoughts are not pleasant. Perhaps, we remember a time of loss in our life and rightly so. Losses can be devastating. Losses can crush our spirit and break our hearts.

During times of loss and remembering times of loss can be tough, perhaps that’s why the Psalmist wrote…

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 NIV

But, what is it about mourning that makes it an included stop on the journey to happiness?

Remember back to your honeymoon days with your spouse. A time when you could FINALLY be with the one your heart desired - 24/7. Remember those days of happiness with very little responsibility. Breakfast in bed at noon, long walks to nowhere in particular, effort-free dining at great restaurants and the sharing of heart, mind and body in un-interrupted bliss, all combining for an ideal start to your marriage. Then, after a time, reality sets in with its schedules, tasks and responsibilities.

If we are honest and, although we do not regret many of the gifts and blessings that cause those staples of our lives, we begin to mourn the loss of those honeymoon days. Sure, we can re-capture fleeting moments of that time with clever and important devices such as “date-night” and short trips over even shorter weekends, but the reality of our lives always returns.

As great as a honeymoon is, there was a honeymoon far greater. Adam and Eve had a great honeymoon. It was to be their “reality”. They ran around the garden in complete oblivion to the cares we now carry. They spent what would be the epitome of quality time with each other and they actually walked and talked with God. But all of that changed when Adam and Eve chose to give in to the power of sin. Do you think Adam and Eve mourned that loss?

God also mourned that loss. So much so that he immediately put a plan of redemption and reconciliation into place to regain that which was lost – a close, intimate relationship with you and I.

Do you mourn the loss of the relationship we could have had with God? Imagine, God himself was present, physically, emotionally and spiritually with the representation of his relationship with his people – Adam and Eve as husband and wife.

Often, when we mourn, we desire to have that which we have lost back. Do you desire a greater and deeper relationship with your spouse? Then, might I suggest desiring a greater and deeper relationship with God – the author of your marriage.

Mourn that loss of close relationship saying, “God, I want to feel your presence in my life and my marriage.”

Pray together as a husband and wife, desiring that close and intimate relationship with the Lord. Mourn what was lost by desiring to have it back and pursuing it with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. When you do, God will be near and he will bring his comfort.

The journey continues…

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Declare Your Dependence

2010-01-12T04:58:00.000-08:00

Matt 5:3 NLT
God blesses those who realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them.

We are on a journey. I am glad for your company as, together, we learn some things from God’s Word that will strengthen and encourage our marriages and enrich our lives.

Our first stop on the journey towards true happiness is foundational for the miles that lie ahead. Last week, I wrote about how fleeting human happiness can be and the lengths we go to achieve it. We can amass great wealth, great fame and even build a great family and still be relatively void of happiness – true happiness.
True happiness is not momentary, nor is it found in things, or even, our relationships here in this world.

True happiness comes from God – more importantly, our need of Him. We get so wrapped up in trying - Trying to be the best husband/wife, trying to be the best father/mother, trying to be a good worker, pastor, teacher or church member. Simply, trying to be a good Christian can become heavy at times.

There is something liberating in saying, “I can’t do this without you, God.” Once that prayer is uttered, something happens. Something within us breaks and there is a joy that fills our hearts.

Suppose you were assigned a task – let’s say you were given the responsibility of, umm… - peeling several hundred pounds of potatoes (hey, I am an X-Navy guy). One could assume that peeling several hundred pounds of potatoes would be a daunting task. However, how would you feel if someone brought you a peeler machine? Sure, you would still have to move the bags of potatoes, load and empty the machine, dispose of the peels and wash the freshly peeled potatoes, but the task would become much less daunting.

It is the same when we acknowledge our need for God. We still have to make an effort but the heavy parts of our lives are now placed on His broad shoulders. He lightens our load.

Are you struggling to find happiness in your life? “

Cast all our anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV)

Are you struggling to find happiness in your marriage? Jesus said…

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:29-30 NIV)

Do not let your struggle for happiness rob you of enjoying the source of joy. Declare your dependence, your marriage’s dependence and your family’s dependence on God. God wants you to realize your need of him in every aspect of your life.

The journey continues…

Monday Marriage Minder 11-30-09 "Integrity"

2009-11-30T15:58:00.000-08:00

Good people are guided by their honesty; treacherous people are destroyed by their dishonesty. Proverbs 11:3 NLT

Our daughter, Kaitlin, is in her room, crying, as I write this. Saturday evening, she discovered a book in her bookcase, belonging to her 2nd-grade teacher who taught her last year. Apparently, she had forgotten that she had it and didn't take it back.
Kaitlin wants to take it back but she is afraid that she will get a mark against her perfect behavioral record.

As a parent, I would like to tell her, with absolute certainty, that nothing bad will happen by returning a book that she accidentally still has possession of. However, I do not know, with absolute certainty, that there will be no disciplinary action. I really cannot imagine such will be the case but I simply do not know.

Tomorrow morning, on the first day back to school from Thanksgiving break, she will return the book to it's owner. It is a scary lesson to learn but learning to be a person of integrity is a noble pursuit.

Far too often, children hear, or worse, see their parents fail at maintaining a character of integrity. From simply borrowing a few nuts and bolts from work to not wanting the hassle or inconvenience of returning the amount of money that was mistakenly given them in making change; adults display flawed character and the kids are quick to learn it.

So this is a opportunity to teach by example. I will take Kaitlin to school, go through the front office visitor screening, walk with her to the teacher's classroom and be with her as she returns the book. Whatever happens, I want her to know that she did the right thing and that I am proud of her.

As parents, grandparents and adults, please know that children, yours and others, are watching you. They are learning by observation about your true character. Just as I am showing Kaitlin the importance of returning what is not hers, we need to set a consistent example of integrity for this young generation.

The above verse speaks of two types of character. One is honest and the other dishonest. I'm convinced that dishonesty is not learned from a single and large event witnessed in a role model's life, but a lifestyle of numerous and seemingly insignificant incidents of dishonesty.

As parents, grandparents and adults, the question is not if we will be role models, but, what kind of role models we will be. Children learn their future roles by watching us.

Do you, as a role model, model a character of integrity?

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - 11-16-09 - "Laugh"

2009-11-16T16:50:00.000-08:00

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. Prov 17:22 NLT

Last Month, Robin and I purchased a new computer which has some really cool features. Robin and the kids have been having some fun with the built-in web cam - making funny videos with strange voices etc.

A few nights ago, after watching videos of Robin and Alex sing Amazing Grace, The Lollipop Guild and others-in munchkin voices, Robin was recording a video where the program made her voice sound like a duck. Being the goofball I am, I couldn't resist coming up from behind, getting in the video and yelling the loudest, "Quack-Quack-Quack", that I could.

Upon replaying the video my voice-turned-duck, sounded hilarious! We all laughed so hard that our stomachs began to hurt. It was good to laugh, it changed our whole attitude and added life to our evening.

The next evening, after a long day at work, Robin came home and said that she had left work hoping that I would make her laugh again.

So often, our lives are so stressful that we forget to laugh. Even something as silly as sounding like a duck can melt away the tension of a day.

Most couples can think back to when they first met and remember times that they spent laughing. When asked, "What attracted you to him/her?" One of the most common responses that husbands and wives give is, "He/She makes me laugh!"

Are you or is your marriage relationship tired and broken in spirit? Look for something funny (life is full of funny things), watch something funny or do something funny. Don't forget to laugh - together!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 11-9-09 "It Is Not Good"

2009-11-09T11:49:00.000-08:00

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18 NIV

For the past few weeks, due to colds, the kids' practice schedules and various obligations, Robin and I have been busy with the fast pace of our lives - meeting in passing and giving each other a quick kiss hello or goodbye.

For the past two Sundays, Robin has either not been able to attend church or has had to leave early. We certainly do not begrudge any of the activities our kids are in; however, I never quite feel complete without Robin close to me.

Sure, it's church, I'm surrounded by a family that loves me and I them, but without Robin's presence I misfire a bit and typically feel somewhat lost.

In thinking about this, what I feel goes far beyond anything Robin does, or, in her absence, does not do. Simply having her near is energizing and I am more focused and can accomplish far more tasks than I could without her.

I believe God knew this about us men, and uniquely gifted women to be an equal counterpart. Too often, I take for granted the gift God gave me in Robin. All she has to do is be herself and that helps me be a better person. I have learned that her counsel is wise and she seldom misses the mark when it comes to encouraging me and reading people.

Husbands, appreciate your wife's unique giftings and remember that she truly wants to help you become all that God wants you to be. God has well equipped her for that task.

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

MMM - Subscriptions

2009-10-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

With our new MMM distributor comes a feature which tells us who has opened their MMM that week. To be a better steward of the gifts our faithful supporters have given us, we have set the automated list settings to delete the email address of any individual that has not opened the MMM within a 6 week time period.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your commitment to your marriage and marriage ministry!

Blessings!

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - "Making Up For Lost Time"

2009-10-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

Dreams can be a great thing. Having a dream motivates us - spurring us on to achieve great things. However, sometimes the pursuit of a dream can leave casualties in it's wake. Consider the following:

He was achieving national acclaim in his field. Public appearences, magazine articles, radio and television spots were becoming commonplace for him. National corporations were pursuing him with promotional contracts and he was expected to become one of the next big names in the industry. His friends became those who could best further his rise to fame. To most within his sphere of influence, he appeared to have it all.

Left in the shadows; however, was his wife and his children. Sure, he loved them but his dream and the subsequent drive for success was first-place in his life. Even more sad, his once close relationship with God became even lower on his list of priorities. He would often pray, "Lord, don't come back until I've accomplished..."

The story goes on to reveal a change. A changed heart, a changed life and a changed dream. God blessed him by allowing a devastating financial loss and a abrupt change in the direction of his life.

God has faithfully restored a sincere love and focus on Christ, family and others in his life. Just as God promised to restore what was taken from the children of Israel in Joel chapter 2, God has restored blessings far over and above the desires of his heart.

Recently, he told his wife that someone wanted to talk with him about his old life. His wife questioned him as to his response. He simply stated, "That man has been dead for years."

Robin's smile was priceless - God is a master at making up for lost time. God has restored those years!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave & Robin Kidd

Questions of the Week

1. What does your priority list look like?

2. What motivates you, in your marriage, your family, your life and/or your ministry?

3. How has God changed your dreams as a couple?

Monday Marriage Minder - "Forever-Bump"

2009-10-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

1 Cor 7:28b NIV

...but those who marry will face many troubles in this life...

This past Saturday, upon returning home from our Sweetest Day lunch date, my wife Robin and I were met at the door by the smiling faces of our four kids. After inquiring as to what the smiles were about, the kids proceeded to tell us that they had been discussing the symbolism of wedding rings. An odd conversation for teens and kids for sure. Apparently, one of the twins told the younger ones that the rings symbolized "Forever" because a ring has no beginning and no end-a ring keeps going round and round.

Our son, Alex, being a bright young man of 11 years (today) questioned his brothers about the woman's ring, having a setting and diamond. "So for a woman, it's forever-bump-forever-bump-forever-bump." As they were telling us this Robin and I couldn't help but to laugh.

After my laughter subsided, the scripture above came to my mind and I thought how problems come into our marriage that when worked through together, serve to strengthen our marriage and bring relational growth.

Yesterday, I quoted that same scripture in a conversation with a friend while standing in the church foyer. Then, again, in a couple's workshop, yesterday afternoon, this same scripture was quoted by another friend of mine. Each time that this occurred, Robin and I would look at each other and smile - each one thinking - "forever-bump-forever-bump".

In marriage as in Christian life, God allows trials and tests - "troubles" if you will, to refine us and shape us and our marriage into something better. The key is staying the course after hitting the "bump" of the trouble.

If there was never any adversity, would there ever be any growth? Far too often, we hit a relational "bump" and allow ourselves to be thrown way off course. However, if we expect the bumps in our marriage, if we are prepared for the bumps, then we can better navigate through them and stay the course of forever - on earth with our spouse and in preparation for eternity with Christ.

Marital and relational bumps are sure to come. Enjoy the journey and learn from the bumps. Allow those things to strengthen your marriage. The next time you experience a "bump" in your marriage, look at your rings!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - Broken Heart

2009-10-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Luke 17:1-3 NIV

Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves."

*This week’s MMM is especially close to my heart and has been the most difficult to write. If you are expecting wit, wisdom and decent grammar, then you will probably be disappointed. However, I am asking you to read my broken heart in the lines to follow. As I studied the above verses, their implications became very real to me. I sat for hours writing this, praying, crying and deleting lines only to retype them again. I believe I am just going to go "all-in" and unburden my heart. The unsubscribe tool is at the bottom of the page. - Dave

Youth! I love to be around them. I love speaking in their services. I love their goofiness and their passion. Having spent several years as the head of the youth committee for a denominational district, I loathed "aging out" of the youth leader ranks. My experiences with youth groups has left a soft spot in my heart for teens.

Every time I'm in a church service, I find myself glancing at the young people." Are they engaged in worship?" "Are they connecting with the message and, more importantly, with God?" These questions flash through my mind.

In recent years, I have noticed a disturbing trend that appears to be everywhere. Besides the "youth group section", I notice more and more disconnected teens in the pews. I am always glad to see them in the service, but so many appear to only be there, physically. What breaks my heart is that a large majority of these kids in focus come from a background of family dysfunction. Look at their faces and one can see the emptiness, pain and confusion. Browse the public social media sites and you can read the posts of despair, depression and anger.

The pastors and counselors, who comprise the majority reading this e-votional, can attest that teens, whose Christian parents are struggling in their marriage or have divorced, are often struggling with their relationship with God. I know their pastor’s heart breaks as well. Their hearts break because this breaks God's heart! There isn't a week that goes by that I don't counsel, in some way or another, a hurting teen whose parents not only can't get it together, but refuse to allow God to get them together. In the above verse, Jesus had even stronger words for anyone causing a youth to stumble which literally includes causing them to walk away from their relationship with God. (Do a word study on the Greek - "skandalizo") Thankfully, God's grace reaches far beyond this; however, the pain inflicted on young lives is tragic and I believe that Christ will expect an account as he judges the believers.

I could write paragraphs, but it would only be to convey the idea that we can keep watching the teens in our churches walk away from the faith, or we can mobilize through God's power and minister or minister more to the primary influence'rs of these teens - their parents. We can touch a teen for Christ by investing a couple hours each week, but what would happen if we reached their parent's marriage or the wounded heart of a single parent?

Want to keep more teens for Christ? Touch the parent(s).

As always, the greatest thing that we can do is to heed Christ's warning in verse 3 - "Watch Yourselves". I am recommitting to that watch over my own life. The stakes are too high in the aspects of young lives and marriages. Also, there is coming a day when I will stand before God.

For Marriages and Youth,

Dave

Marriage Auto-Pilot

2009-10-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

Phil 3:13-14 NIV
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I'm a bit of an aviation buff. I've always been fascinated with planes and flying. Recently, I was reading an article that detailed the events leading up to a devastating plane crash. It seems that up until the time that something went wrong, the plane was on auto-pilot.

Surprisingly, the most difficult aspect of learning to fly is the seemingly simple act of flying straight and level. An auto-pilot feature makes flying a plane much easier as it, in its simplest capabilities, causes the plane to maintain a compass heading. Straight and level flying simplified. However, when left unattended, an auto-pilot feature is capable of flying a plane into the side of a mountain.

Pilots are taught and trained that an auto-pilot feature still needs to be programmed and monitored. It will cause the plane to fly only in the direction the pilot programs it to. Plus, a basic auto-pilot will not automatically cause the plane to climb in order to gain altitude to clear a mountain peak. Failure to program an auto-pilot feature properly or simply turning it on and then forgetting it can lead to disaster.

In marriage simply saying "I do" without understanding what one is saying "I do" to. Or. To think that "I do" said once will suffice for the entire marriage, rather than "I did and I still do", can lead to equally devastating results.

Auto-pilots for planes are helpful. Auto pilots for marriages are devastating. If we are not calculating our motives, monitoring our thoughts, words and actions and investing in the future of our marriages, chances are, we're on auto pilot.

The Apostle Paul's words to the church in Philippi apply as well to the marriage relationship as it does to what the marriage relationship represents. If we are content with where we are and are unconcerned about where we are going we could be headed straight into a mountainside. One of the most common statements heard about plane crashes and marital conflict is, "We never saw it coming."

An acquaintance of mine has a life saying. It says, "Grow daily or die gradually." What are you doing for your marriage in order for it to grow? Or. Is your marriage on auto-pilot?

For Marriages,

Dave

You Choose - Monday Marriage Minder

2009-09-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." 1 Corinthians 10:31-33 NIV

It would have been easier to stay on the path. It would have been easier to do what everybody else was doing. It also would have been easier on my body to do the bare minimum. However, in doing those things, I would have missed the experience of traveling the road less taken and being rewarded with amazing beauty and a memory etched into the minds of a young man and his father.

Hiking wooded trails and scaling rock ledges is hardly the norm for me but the opportunity presented itself and I jumped at the chance. We had been walking along the trail for a while when someone pointed out a a narrow and rock-lined crag in a cliff. After hearing a remark about it being too hard of a climb for the "old man", all it took was one look at my son, Brandon, and we were climbing.

When we reached the top, the view below was breathtaking as we looked over several miles of forest. While we were up there, I couldn't help but think about how many times we, as couples, are content with just doing the bare minimum, following the crowd on a path that never leads to grand views and wonderful experiences within our marriages.

If our marriage is our mission, shouldn't we "do" marriage for the glory of God? Is God impressed when we simply exist with each other - the bare minimum? Is that the sum of his plan for our marriages? Is that the image of Christ's relationship with his church that we want to convey to others?

I could have stayed on the path, but choosing to climb that ledge (and nearly every other ledge we found from then on) with my son paid immediate dividends and will, undoubtedly, pay more as his young life unfolds. In the same way, if I choose to love my wife for the glory of God, what dividends will that pay into the lives and souls of those within our sphere of influence?

The choice is ours to make. With my mind on the mission, I choose to love for the glory of God!

For Marriages!

Your Marriage - Your Mission

2009-09-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

Think about this statement. Every individual has a God-ordained mission. Just as every individual has a mission, so does every marriage - especially Christian marriages. Our mission as married couples is multi-faceted, which we will begin to address here.

In God's Word, the Bible, there are several main themes outlined from cover to cover. One could say that the Bible's main theme is Theo-centric - with God as the grand subject. Others might maintain that the main theme is mankind’s relationship to God. Still others, including myself, believe that the primary theme of the Scriptures is reconciliation -namely, God's plan to reconcile mankind to himself. It is in this plan, this ongoing and blood-bought labor of love that we find our mission in our marriages.

For his reasons alone, God chose to use us, his people, to be his mouth, hands and feet in restoring mankind to himself. Our enemy, Satan, reeked havoc on that fateful day in the garden. Hence Gods all- knowing and pre-fall command to mankind - "increase in number and rule over the earth and subdue it. (Gen 1:28) The fall of man, shifted the perfect to imperfect, the balanced to in-balanced and from good to evil. The fall resulted with mankind taking on a sinful mind and a nature displeasing to God.

...the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. (Rom 8:7-8 NIV)

However, God has enlisted every married couple to aid in this reconciliation endeavor.

Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. (Mal 2:15 NIV)

Sadly, many individuals and marriages within our own families, communities and even our churches are still marked by that devastating day. But we as married Christians, even though our human nature still bears remnants of that mark, can be a light to those individuals and couples. We can facilitate reconciliation by being examples of Christ's love in the way we demonstrate that love to our spouse. Our marriages are entrusted instruments in God's hands to lead others into the restoring balance and peace that a reconciling relationship with Jesus Christ can bring.

In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas writes, "We cannot discuss with any integrity the ending of "a relation of enmity" and the dawning of "peace and goodwill" if our marriages are marked with divorce, fighting and animosity." (Zondervan 2000) Additionally, Thomas asks a very pointed question. "How can I tell my children that God's promise of reconciliation is secure when they see that my own promise doesn't mean a thing?" (Zondervan 2000)

Marriages are foundational to God's mission of reconciliation. As a Christian couple, your marriage is your mission! More on this in future weeks.

God's Got This!

2009-08-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

Phil 4:6-7 NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

We really enjoyed the time off, spending time with family and checking out the sights at D.C.
Our vacation was unexpectedly extended one more day as our van's alternator decided to get to
the business of dying about 20 minutes out of D.C. Having had it replaced before, we knew the
potential for another costly repair. I decided that we were going to get as far away from the city as we could. Robin and I were praying that we would make it somewhere safe, were we could get it repaired.

Enter God

As we neared Hagerstown, MD, the alternator gave up and the van quickly began sputtering as
the battery voltage dropped too low to run the fuel pump properly. At this point, our prayer efforts went into overdrive.

We were using a borrowed GPS unit that was doing a great job at turn-by-turn directions.
It was programmed to guide us home. As the van began to sputter, the GPS unit suddenly
told me to take the next exit. After exiting, the GPS directed me to turn right in 800 yards and,
upon achieving that distance, directed me into the parking lot of a Hampton Inn,
where the van completely died. Looking around, I noticed a sign that said Byrd's Auto repair on a building right next to the Motel.

Being a Sunday evening, it was closed. Long story short, we spent the night at The Hampton Inn, which included swimming in the pool, eating pizza and enjoying a complimentary hot breakfast.
On Monday morning, the repair shop replaced the alternator for $150.00 less than expected and we were again on our way.

When I arrived back at the church office, there was a envelope in my mailbox which contained
a check. Someone on Sunday morning, before we had even left D.C., felt led to give me and my
family a love gift which covered most of the repair bill.

God is always in control! In good times and bad, blessings and trials, He is God! Too often, we limit God to the size of our largest problem or worse, our current problem(s). We just wanted to get off of the highway and be safe. God provided in His true fashion – beyond our requests and
imaginations.

Whatever the circumstance, be it in your marriage, family or life, ask God to work in
it and provide the solution. What God can do will amaze you.

Looking back, when asked about what she liked most about our
vacation, our daughter Kaitlin answered, "Staying at the Hampton Inn".

Question of The Week:

What areas do you need to give to God for in your marriage, family and life? When you give it
To Him, you can be assured that “God’s Got This”!

For Marriages and Families,

Dave

©2009 Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Quote of the Week

2009-08-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

NAME Marriage Network "If my marriage is right, then I can have my family right. If my family is strong, then we can help other families be strong. If we have strong families, we will have a strong church. Imagine how strong our Christian impact can be if we just fix ourselves at the root, in our marriage."

Just Like Me?

2009-08-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

1 Cor 10:12-13 NIV
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

My Son, Alex and I were in the van, sitting at a red light when I noticed a church sign with these words on it.

"If you want them (children) to be just like you, point them to God."

I pondered those words as we drove on. We had not gone one block before Alex asked, "Do you want me to be just like you?" He, too, had read the sign. My answer came immediately. "NO, I want you to be better than me," I told him. I looked in the rearview mirror in time to catch his smile.

It is true! If Alex, or any of my children, turn out only to be like me, then I would probably view my role as their father - a failure. Allow me to be very transparent and honest here. I am far from great, in fact, I still have to go before my Lord and ask his forgiveness on a regular basis. I am on the journey but I have not arrived! If I allow myself to think that I can relax and be content in my own growth in Christ, then I have not only hindered my relationship with Christ but I have jeopardized my children’s' potential.

Contentment sounds great, peaceful even. However, being content with where we are with Christ is complacency. Much of who I am has been shaped by actions of the past – actions that were mine or of those closest to me. It is imperative that I continue to grow in Christ because, to a certain extent, the souls of four "Kidds" depend on it.

Destructive patterns have run in my family for several generations. Patterns of behavior that I, by the grace and favor of God, intend to break, not just for me but for our children. To that end, the Apostle Paul's advice in the above verse must become a code in my life. While my eyes remain stayed on the Rock that is Jesus, I will strain forward as if my feet are always in sand.

Winning While Losing

2009-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

Winning While Losing

August 3, 2009

Eph 4:26 NIV
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

“This could go on for hours,” I thought while trying to reposition my body behind the wooden barricade protecting me from the pummeling spray of the “enemy’s front lines.. At that point, I had two choices, stay put behind the barricade or try to advance toward the “enemy” and risk getting shot.

I didn’t have to ponder that decision for long because just as I positioned my gun for a shot at a defending opponent, I felt a paintball hit my gun barrel, and I saw the paint splatter over my hands, hence my elimination from the game. I raised my gun in the air and began walking off the field, only to be hit by a few more shots.

That didn’t seem right, I was done and doing what I was supposed to do and someone couldn’t resist taking a few cheap shots at an easy target.

Marriage is hardly like a game of paintball; however, while I was walking off of that field, I thought about how we try to have the last say in an argument or to win a disagreement. It is the same as taking those last few cheap shots before we put the gun of our own selfishness away.

The verse above reminds us not to sin in our anger. However, if husbands are to love their wife as Christ loved the church, taking a cheap shot is a sin – even when they, too are being shot at.

Truce anyone?

Leading Your Heart - Beyond Feelings

2009-07-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

"The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve."
Jeremiah 17:9-10 NLT

Feelings! We hear about them often. How many sentences do we begin with, "I feel" or "I don't feel"? There is some cause for concern when relationships, especially marriages are based on feelings.

One of my favorite lines from the movie Fireproof, says that, "you have to lead your heart." Wow, that is powerful. The heart is the wellspring of our affective lives- our feelings. Our hearts will deceive us. Because the heart-our self, will try to focus our minds on "what I want" and miss important and even obvious aspects. The heart will see a beautiful gold ring but fail to see the green skin of the finger that the fake ring is on. That is the danger on living and loving by feelings. But, a mind fixed on serving Christ and others will lead our hearts to pure love, pure joy and ultimate fulfillment. Think about this! What does it mean to surrender our heart to Christ? It is laying down our self, saying life isn't about me and my feelings.

Perhaps we need to rethink some things. Maybe loving God and our spouse with our hearts isn't near enough. Consider this...

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31NIV (emphasis mine)

Love involves far more than our heart. It includes everything we are. Lead your heart by deciding to love your spouse unconditionally like God loves us. God is watching.

Monday Marriage Minder - Raising Contenders

2009-06-15T18:16:00.000-07:00

Ps 127:3-5 NIV
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Have you ever had one of those months when everything seemed to be going wrong and even when people rallied in support, you still felt alone, vulnerable and weak? My mothers death, one month ago, ushered in such a time in my life. Often, in these times, one feels distracted and is unable to concentrate. Even things that one typically enjoys doing have less appeal. Subsequently, ant-hills become mountains as the most simple problem appears to be unsolvable.

I have used the above passage before; however, I want to focus on the last line. With Father's Day approaching I want to emphasize that children raised to love and honor God will not be put to shame when they face their enemies. As Christians we have a common enemy and he always seeks to steal, kill and destroy every person and every family.

This week, I received a private message from one of my sons that simply stated that he loves me and is praying for me. With all that I have faced and am continuing to face, it is exciting to watch as one of my "arrows" is flying straight at the heart of the enemy on my behalf.

I cannot think of a better Father's Day gift.

Monday Marriage Minder Returns 5/25/09

2009-05-22T09:27:00.001-07:00

Sharing The Love - For Marriages

2009-04-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Robin and I, along with our friends, had the opportunity to attend a mini-marriage conference presented by Tim and Linda Buttrey of Restoration Resources. I was touched at Tim and Linda's transparency and heart for marriages. There were several times when Robin noticed me squirming in my seat as I was listening to and agreeing with this couple of like passions.

I would like to draw your attention to this marriage ministry. You can find Restoration Resources on the web at www.restorationresources.us The website has links to Tim's blog and contains a wealth of information on marriage family and faith. Strengthening marriages together!

For Marriages and Families

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - Disappointed

2009-03-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

(Read Phillipians-Chapter 3)
Phil 3:12-14 NIV
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

In his book The Life You've Always Wanted - Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People, John Ortberg begins the first chapter by penning the words, "I'm disappointed". With the exception of God's Word - the Bible, I do not recall a book that has spiritually bloodied and battered me as much as the first few pages of this book have. You see, I immediately connected with Ortberg's sentiment -"I'm disappointed".

I am disappointed that I am not a better husband. I am disappointed that I am not a better Father. I am disappointed that I am not a better Son, friend, pastor, counselor, and student. I am disappointed that I am not BETTER, period. What has hurt the most is the fact that I am not a better Christian. I am not what I could be and should be; falling far short of all that God has called me to be. Am I better than I once was? I think so. But, I can be better!

Far too many times in life, we fall prey to the attitude that says we're "good enough” or, “good enough because it would be too hard to be better”. This affects every aspect of our life. I am not a better husband because I allow my "self" to get in the way. I am not a better Father because being better would require shifting my focus away from myself. On and on it goes to the same end - I am my own worst enemy. Whether it's partner, parent or pastor, at the end of the day I still have more questions than answers and more struggles than strengths.

I think that is why the Apostle Paul, the self proclaimed worst of all sinners, wrote these words. In them, he says, "I am not there yet, but I am trying!" Although he learned to be content in whatever earthly situation and surrounding, he never was content in his spiritual growth in Christ. He realized the value in becoming more like Christ and, increasingly, so am I. If I become more Christ-like, I will become better in every aspect of my life.

For years I have used the old pyramid diagram when counseling couples. If a husband and wife each form one of the bottom corners of the pyramid and God is represented by the point at the top; as each person comes closer to God they automatically come closer to each other. My point is this. I am not as close to God as I can be, so I am obviously not as close to Robin as I could be.

My prayer is that I will always be disappointed. Are you disappointed?

Stepping It Up!

2009-03-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

I took a step of faith today. I have been praying and sensing the Holy Spirit's leading to expand the marriage ministry to which God has called us. After a month of prayer, I finally sent out our new brochure offering to minister to marriages in any church.

A member at one church which recently asked us to come and do a conference wanted to know how much we "charged" to speak at a conference. I looked at Robin, Robin looked at me, we both blinked and, simultaneously, our minds shifted into neutral. Uhhh...

I was the first to speak ( I hate it when I do that) How about $100.00 for a weekend? Robin looked at me like I was nuts. She was right, I am nuts. $100.00 was way to much. Robin and I have been called by God to minister to those marriages that are falling through the cracks due to job losses and the subsequent loss of insurance coverage which makes many of the good ministries currently available, cost prohibitive.

We decided, right then and there, we would continue ministering to all couples and let God take care of the rest. We have never set a fee for counseling, mentoring, speaking or writing (95% free-of-charge) and God has been more than faithful.

I do not know what type of responses I will receive from the churches, if any; but God will continue to draw hurting people and couples to us so that we may be faithful and obedient to his call.

How's Your Aim? - Our Greatest Responsibility and Ministry

2009-03-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.
Ps 127:3-4 NIV

Saturday night, we went to a friend's (yes we have friends) birthday party at a banquet hall. Being in a public facility, when the need arose, I took our son, Alex, to the restroom. As we walked, I said something silly to which he responded back with silliness far surpassing anything I could come up with.

I do not recall how the subject came up, but in between the silliness, I told him that two of my favorite things in life were being a husband to his mother and being his father. He looked at me and asked, "Even more than being a rock star?" I have no idea where that came from.

When we returned to our home that evening, I heard Alex telling my wife, Robin, what I had said. I think that he felt even more loved and secure by that simple statement made from a man who still has more questions than answers.

Yesterday, during our morning church service, we had a baby dedication. I used the above verse on the picture we projected during the dedication. As I was preparing that picture, I realized that if children are like arrows, than I, as their father, have the responsibility of aiming our children toward God and his will for their young lives. If I aim them at Christ, chances are they will become godly young men and a godly young lady. However, if I aim them at anything else...

There are three things that I want our children to always know and remember about their father. That I love God, I love their mother and that I love them! You see what I'm aiming them at? I want them to grow up and exhibit those same qualities to God, their spouse and their children.

How's your aim?

Adapted from the MONDAY MARRIAGE MINDER free e-letter. To subscribe send an email to revdkidd@gmail.com with Subscribe MMM in the subject line.

2009-02-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

February 16, 2009

Mark 10:27 NIV
"all things are possible with God."

Two years ago, Robin and I sat in a meeting where we poured out our hearts and burden for marriages and the Church to three gentlemen who would help decide our course in the ministry. The eldest man asked a question that has haunted me often since then. First, he asked us if we deemed our ministry as successful. After indicating that I believed that the ministry was successful, he commenced into a long and silent stare. Then he asked THE question. He asked if, in our ministry to couples, we had ever saw a couple's marriage restored after they had divorced. At that time, my honest answer was, "no".

I have to admit, although I probably continued to smile for the rest of the interview, inside, I was completely deflated. Until that time, the desire for God to use us to strengthen marriages and see husbands and wives stay in their marriages for a lifetime were our primary goals. Now, we are supposed to get divorced couples to marry each other again? I remember thinking, "Are you kidding me?" Did I even have enough faith to allow myself to think of such a thing?

Fast forward to this past weekend. Robin and I hosted, spoke and facilitated at a marriage conference that was based on the ministry of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (Love and Respect) coupled with a sneak-peek of the "Love Is" conference that God gave Robin and I during a recent fast. God moved on the hearts of many couples and, at the conclusion of the conference, we watched as 30 couples renewed their vows, including a divorced couple who recommitted themselves to their marriage!

We witnessed the above verse as it came to life in the hearts of many couples this past weekend. The changes I witnessed in some of the couples already has given me the courage to stand on the promise of that scripture and dream for even greater things.

How about you? What are you facing in your marriage that looks impossible? Maybe the apparent impossibility is in the marriage of someone you know. Do you have the faith to trust God for the answer? Perhaps marriages struggle because we, as husbands and wives, lose sight of God's ability. With us it may very well be impossible, but with God...

For Marriages and Families

Dave

Love and Respect Reflects: I HAVE DECIDED

2009-01-24T13:54:00.000-08:00

Love and Respect Reflects: I HAVE DECIDED

2009-01-12T18:15:00.000-08:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

January 12, 2009

What Are Your Words Saying?

You have probably heard the saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I am going to suggest that it is both what you say and how you say it. Lately, we have been teaching our kids about their responsibility in speech. Over the last two years I have been holding to a verbal lifestyle that says, "If it comes out of my mouth, I am responsible for:

What I said.

What I meant.

All the non verbals (body language).

How what I said was received and interpreted."

In short, if I say something and someone interprets it differently than how I meant it, it is MY response-ability to:

Apologize for any miscommunication.

Offer clarification.

Learn from my communicative mistake.

I am sure we have all seen many relationships destroyed because someone would not take responsibility for what they said. Perhaps this is why in Collosians 4:66, Paul writes, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone". NIV

This is especially true for the target audience of the above verse - the believers. Just a few words that are misinterpreted by the hearer can have devastating effects. Imagine placing the guidelines mentioned above in the marriage relationship. Might it remove some of the teeth from our bad moods, disagreements and our arguments? Simply taking responsibility for words, directed at our spouse, will cause us to think before we speak and then, speak those words in love.

Question of the Week: What if you could visually see your word's effect on your spouse? What would you change?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 12-8-08

2008-12-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

December 8, 2008

Love Is... Part 14

(Love) always hopes…1 Corinthians 13:7c

Last week we took a brief look at how love always trusts. This week we'll look at what love does when it is finding it difficult to trust. Yes, I write as though love exists in itself simply because it does in God. Attributes of love, when displayed by mankind, are godly characteristics that flow out of the connection between the Creator- God and his creation - mankind.

NEVER Give Up

I continue to be amazed at the hopelessness expressed by the many couples that I encounter in ministry. Sadly, all-too-many couples have given up in circumstances that are not unlike those in nearly every marriage, labeling the distorted view of their marriage as "hopeless".

But, what about the times when the trust has, yet again been betrayed? Or the times when the change promised has not become a reality? What is there left to do? Hope! Hope is that aspect of love that, even when the opposite of the desired direction or outcome is observed in a person, the hopeful mate will still cling to the faithful belief that their loved one will make the change that is needed.

Perhaps the change that is needed is within us. Do we hold to a hope that we will, in God's power and our effort, make the changes within ourselves that will help our relationship to thrive?

Hope In Practical Terms

How might our love exhibit hope? Let me suggest to you four things that each of us can do to practice hope.

1. Be Humble - Use the other aspects of love we've previously looked at to guard your mind, attittude, speech and actions.

2. Be Optimistic - Expect and watch for progress in the problem areas of your and/or your spouse's life. When you see progress - Celebrate it!

3. Be Prayerful - Always be in prayer. God hears the prayers of his people and is "close to the broken hearted" (Ps 34:18).

4. Be an Encourager - Encourage your spouse regularly, even when he or she isn't acting in the way you want them to.

On one occasion, I witnessed hope to the extreme. A woman stood up in a church service and asked for prayer for her soon-to-be ex-husband. Contrary to her desire the divorce papers had been signed and the man of her life was gone. She asked us to pray for his salvation because she knew God's priority was his soul and, compared to that, the rest was, as she put it, "not important". While I believe that every marriage is important, I have never forgotten that woman's request or the hope that she had even after her pain, her dissappointment and her loss.

You may have heard the saying that says. "When you get to the end of your rope, make a knot and hang on!" Guess what holds that proverbial knot together? Hope!

Question of the Week: What are the areas in your marriage relationship that you need to have hope for?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

MMM 12-1-08

2008-12-01T17:38:00.000-08:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

December 1, 2008

Love Is... Part 13

A Prank Call

(Love) always trusts…1 Corinthians 13:7b

Arriving home from work one day, I was met in the kitchen by my loving wife who was trying her best to keep an "I'm mad at you" expression on her face and a similar tone in her voice.

"Who's ___________?", she asked.

"Who?", I asked in response to her question.

"I have a voicemail on my cell phone for you from someone named ____________. She said that she had met you recently and that you wrote your number on a napkin", Robin explained, maintaining her feigned disgust. "She said that she really wants to see you again", Robin continued.

At that point we both busted out laughing. Upon investigation we discovered that a "hang-up" occurred at 3:00AM - bingo, this person now had my name from the greeting recorded on my wife's cell. The call in question came two minutes after the hang-up. Apparently, this woman didn't think her prank call through very well. First, unless a husband is exremely dull or brazen, why would he give another woman his wife's cell number as a means to contact him. Second, (this one was even more obvious to Robin) the woman, referred to as ____________ because neither Robin or I can remember what she said her name was, indicated that the call was for "David". Immediately, Robin knew it was a prank because I would never introduce myself as David. I always go by Dave; however, Robin's cell greeting (it's since been changed) gave the names, "David and Robin Kidd". Even though Robin knew that she had no reason for concern, she couldn't resist having a little fun at my expense when I got home.

As funny as that prank was at the time, I began to think about that happening to a couple who may not have been so secure. This part of our look at love depicts that aspect of love that says, in essence, I will trust another person until I see irrefutable proof that I shouldn't. It is that part of the marital relationship that guards how we regard our spouse - believing that their intent is to faithfully support and build us up. It is, indeed, trusting and defending our spouse even through the accusation of others. I've grown to be quite trusting of my wife. If someone were to bring an accusation against her or if I were to hear something that would raise a question in my mind, I would first choose to trust. Why? Because that's what real love does.

Question of the Week: In what ways can you demonstrate your love for your spouse by trusting them?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

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Monday Marriage Minder 10-20-08

2008-10-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

October 20, 2008

Love Is... Part Ten (10)

1 Corinthians 13:6a NIV

Love does not delight in evil...

"I knew he would mess up." I knew she didn't really change." "I knew I was better." If these statements sound harsh, it is because they are. Somewhere, deep down within ourselves, we humans seem to enjoy it when someone messes up - gives in to the influence of sin. Oh sure, we won't admit it, but that doesn't negate the truth. That's why Paul, under the Holy Spirit's influence penned the above verse.

Let's look at this from within a struggling marriage. Both husband and wife participate and play puppet to the influence of sin and the evil intent of the enemy. However, there comes a time when both spouses become too weary to keep making even the most meager effort. One spouse does something, or again, fails to act in a loving manner and the other spouse hitches their wagon to that incident, saying, "See, I'm better."

This characteristic of love drops a bomb on this bitter cycle that holds many marriages captive. Our enemy, satan, knows that if he can work evil into the marriage bond and get both spouses to delight in it's influence on the other, then he has driven a huge wedge into that marriage and is poised to take it down. Additionally, he also knows that he will not only get one or both marital partners , but he stands a great chance of pulling much of the family down with that one wedge in between a husband and wife. It happens nearly everyday in every marriage. Those thoughts that pop into our mind when our spouse does or says something we dislike are prime examples.

When our spouse fails and gives in to the influence of sin and evil, does it sadden us? Does it drive us to our knees in prayer - asking God to protect and strengthen our spouse? Or, does such circumstance find us gloating with self pride, saying, "I'm better."

What would love do?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 9-29-08

2008-09-29T16:54:00.001-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 29, 2008

Love Is... Part Nine (9)

"it (Love) keeps no record of wrongs," 1 Corinthians 13:5d NIV

Oh, to be like Jesus! As I was preparing to write this installment of the MMM, my mind dug up an old childhood memory of a former pastor singing an old gospel song that has Jesus asking, "What sins are you talking about? I don't remember them anymore." Wouldn't it be great to be able to forget every wrong that had been committed against us? Greater still is the fact that Jesus chooses to forget our sins and wrongs! Imagine if we could do that. Fact is, we're supposed to be gaining that ability as we grow in Christ and as we're being transformed into His image.

Can you imagine what this aspect of love could do in a marriage? There would be no more wives saying, "I know you left the toilet seat up," (even before she walks into the bathroom). There also would be no more husbands saying, "Even if I didn't, you will blame it on me anyway." Silly as these examples are, they both depict a respective and kept record of past wrongs.

How many disagreements, arguments, fights and outright brawls (it happens in some marriages) could be prevented if we could stop keeping record of wrongs. As a pastoral counselor, contrary to many secular methodologies, I strive to minister "in the now", meaning I often divert the counselee's focus away from the past behaviors of their spouse. This serves two distinct purposes. First, what is in the past cannot be changed and therefore our energies are better spent on forming new possibilities and patterns of behavior. Second, it establishes a model for the couple to utilize at home.

On one occasion I counseled a couple who were mired in a bog of "record keeping". I had them write down all of the past behaviors that they most disliked about their spouse on a piece of paper. When they had completed their "list", I had them place their list in an envelope and seal it. After writing their names on their envelope I had them exchange envelopes and instructed them to grab their coats and get some matches. We walked out in the snow and burned the unopened envelopes. I told them the past is gone and I asked them if they were ready to move forward. Sounds crazy but it is effective, as long as they don't start digging up ashes.

How about throwing away the scorecards, the tally sheets and the journal of wrongs that we've suffered? What could it do for our marriage, our family and our church?

Question of The Week: Got a list that needs burned?

Assignment of The Week: Go see the movie FIREPROOF with your spouse. www.fireproofthemovie.com

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember February 13-14, 2009

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

FIREPROOF - In Theaters Today

2008-09-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

Just a note to encourage all marriage ministry leaders to take their couples to see this movie. Invite friends, neighbors, co-workers. I believe that God will use this movie to change marriages and lives.

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder - September 22, 2008

2008-09-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 22, 2008

Love Is... Part Eight (8)

"it (Love) is not easily angered," 1 Corinthians 13:5c NIV

After a week of computer problems, followed by a several days without power, we can finally resume our look at the characteristics of love. Speaking of the lack of electric power, while what was left of "Ike" blew through last Sunday evening, we were making our way home from church - dodging branches, power lines and debris. We were approximately half-way home when our daughter announced that she needed a restroom - urgently. The road we travel is in farm country - no gas stations, rest stops or stores. Finally, in the necessity of the moment, I pulled onto a side road. My wife opened her door, and as she did, "Ike" tried to claim the door as his. A split second and $1250.00 in damages later, my wife climbed out of the van and opened the sliding door to let our crying daughter out.

It would have been easy for us to lose our temper and become angry. But, being under the influence of God's love, to us and through us, created that "check" in our hearts that prompted us to step back, emotionally, and reason through the situation. Was our dented fender and bent door unfortunate? Yes. But that would not have given us the right to be angry at one another. When we're angry we tend to say hurtful things. We use words that tear down and destroy. Sometimes, saying the wrong thing at the worst time can yield irreparable damages. It is common for something that was said years ago in anger to be the root of fresh poison in a relationship today.

As I write this, our van is in the Body-Shop. It is being repaired. A few parts, paint, and varnish and the van will be fine. However, the damage from the words that could have been spoken in the heat of anger would not have been nearly as easy to fix.

Ephesians 4:26 contains a warning. It is a warning against the damaging effects of anger, because, when prolonged, anger can easily lead to sin. Imagine what our marriages, families, churches, communities and world would look like if this characteristic of love was lived out in just our own lives.

Question of The Week: How has un-checked anger caused damage to your marriage and family relationships?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

Love & Respect Ministries, Binding Hearts Marriage & Family Ministries and Grace Fellowship

invite you to...

A Valentines To Remember

February 13-14, 2009

at

Grace Fellowship

Canton, Ohio

Details Coming Soon

Info: revdkidd@gmail.com

2008-09-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

MMM - Love Is... Part Seven (7)

2008-09-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

September 1, 2008

Love Is... Part Seven (7)

It (Love) is not self seeking, 1 Corinthians 13:5b NIV

Labor Day - Wow, was this holiday named right! I could smell the bar-b-ques. I could imagine the steaks, chicken, burgers and brats, sizzling on the hot iron. My imagination was all that I had. Between me and the bar-b-ques stood a 7 foot high privacy fence that encloses my sister's back yard. While nearly every residence in the community played host to family and friends, Robin and I were on our third day of installing the hardwood floor and trim in my sister's basement.

I have to be honest and admit that I was thinking of many other things that I would rather be doing - and that I was thinking of them often. Arriving at home tonight, I opened my Bible to remind myself of the aspect of love that we're looking at this week. Wham! Serves me right!

Robin and my sister really wanted to get as much of this project as possible, done this weekend. I don't think that I verbally complained (too much) but I had the thoughts, so I'm guilty. Guilty of not showing true love by happily thinking of the wants and needs of others before my own. Forgive me Lord!

Question of The Week: Examine your mind and your heart. How have you been self-seeking and not shown true love to your spouse and family?

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

FIREPROOF - MAKE IT A CHURCH-WIDE DATE NIGHT

2008-08-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

2008-08-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

August 11, 2008

Love Is... Part Five (5)

It (Love) is not proud, 1 Corinthians 13:4e NIV

He stood in between the cars in the hot garage. His fists were still clenched and the ache in his jaw reminded him to relax the tension in his face. "How long have I been pacing in here?" "Why am I so angry?" Good questions! What this little tale did not include was that this little tirade followed a heated discussion the man had with his spouse. What he chose to be angry about was the fact that his wife was right, he was wrong and he didn't like it.

The original word used for proud in this verse literally means to inflate. The Message paraphrase reads, "Doesn't have a swelled head," Have you ever inflated a balloon without tying it and simply let it go? What happened? In the human experience it probably looks something like the man who was fuming in his garage. His wife deflated his "balloon" and off he went.

Too often, we find ourselves wanting to be right at all costs. For some, pride simply will not allow them to "be wrong". The above scripture says that pride is not a characteristic of love. If we claim to love our spouse, how then can we demand to be right, even when we are. I've been guilty of correcting Robin if she says something wrong. Is that me just wanting to prove that I'm right, better, smarter or wiser? Am I? NO!!! That's pride and it works it's way into every person and relationship.

Question of the Week: How has your pride hurt your marriage? Pray about it, ask God to search your heart and reveal any pride that is hurting your relationship with your spouse.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 8-4-08

2008-08-06T05:28:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

August 4,2008

Love Is... Part Four (4)

It (Love) does not boast, 1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

An Example From The Boy's Group Home

For over a year, I have been a resident counselor and staff at a Christian Group Home for at-risk boys. For boys, boasting is as commonplace as gravy on mashed potatoes (Sorry, I'm not very good at analogies, or, whatever those things are called). At times, it can be almost comical to listen as the residents strive to position themselves ahead of one another. If this one's mother drives a Camaro, then another one's father drives a Corvette. I'll listen for over 15 minutes as a boy tells me of his heroic exploits, all-the-while knowing that very little of it is true. Often, this "one-upmanship" leads to an altercation between several boys.

In Marriage

"One-upmanship", sadly, finds it's way into many marriages. Sometimes, in our human weakness, we tend to "keep track" of what we do and then brag to our spouse or others about it. "I do this, I do that and I do more than you and I even do it better." I've heard it all-to often in counseling sessions. My colleagues in pastoral counseling ministry echo my experience. I've, ashamedly, caught myself doing it.

It happens for a reason, a reason that has surfaced in nearly every aspect of these verses in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. The reason, again, is I . The Apostle Paul positioned these verses after a discourse on the diverse gifts of the Holy Spirit and the unity of the church. It was meant to focus one's attention away from I and place it on WE.

Rather than wanting to be recognized as the achievers, the ultra-gifted or the knowledgeable, Paul shows the early church audience that each has a part and in essence, the church is a team. Just as the church is a team, so is a marriage. We don't need to verbally or by our actions, draw attention to ourselves. Instead of boasting about what we do in our marriage and family, what would happen if we began focusing on all that our spouse does for the same cause. In doing so, I becomes WE .

Question of The Week: In what ways has "One-upmanship" and boasting hindered your marriage? Talk with your spouse about it.

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-28-08

2008-08-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 28,2008

Love Is... Part Three (3)

It (Love) does not envy,... 1 Corinthians 13:4c

By now, in this, the third part of this series, we are beginning to see that what the world views as love seems to, and may, in-fact, be at odds with the Biblical characteristics of love. It is amazing how much this difference is effecting marriages and families today. It can creep into our hearts and spirits before we even realize it. Yes, it can even sneak into the life of a Christian if allowed.

When our neighbors bring home that new car or when they wave at us in yet another new outfit, how does that effect us? Are wives ever tempted to question why their husbands are not providing them with those things? On the other hand, How about the time when the delivery truck, delivers that (gulp) new zero-turn mower that we know will cut our neighbors mowing time in half. Do we men question ourselves and perhaps even, our wives?

Envy. The wrecking ball of marriages. I like how The Message paraphrase puts the above verse. "Love doesn't want what it doesn't have." In a "want driven" society, the race to accumulate things is driving many marriages and families into ruin. Bankruptcy, foreclosures and divorce are at a high.

Envy does not stop with the material, but invades the emotional, mental and even the spiritual aspects of our lives. A woman may want that caring and considerate husband that lives four doors down, the one who is always opening doors for his wife and playing baseball with their kids. A man may want the woman at the office who is always ready with a compliment because of his intelligence and abilities. A couple may desire the giftings of that couple at their church, the ones that always are leading and in charge of various ministries. On and on it goes.

I think of the Apostle Paul's words in scripture where he mentions how he had "learned to be content." I believe it is the void that is experienced by a life away from Christ or distanced from Christ that leads to discontentment. Often, right on the heels of discontent, is envy.

Question of the Week: How might you protect your marriage from the damaging effects of envy?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-14-08

2008-08-06T05:25:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 14, 2008

Love Is.... Part Two

Kind - Who are you trying to please?

1 Corinthians 13:4b

Who doesn't know what the word "kind" means? That's the question that I've been pondering these last few days. Surely, everyone who reads this e-letter knows the meaning of the word kind. Well, I thought I did. I came up with the word "nice" as my definition. Wow, did I undershoot that target!

kind adj. Of a friendly, and good natured disposition; coming from a good natured readiness to please others. (Websters, 156)

Robin and I had the privilege of attending a screening of Sherwood Pictures (FLYWHEEL and Facing The Giants) new movie "FIREPROOF" which will be released in late September. The movie, dealing with the divorce epidemic, demonstrated kindness like I had never seen it.

Did you catch the last part of the definition? How often have we heard the adage, "There is no I in Team". My lead Pastor told me this week that someone once replied to him, "Yes, but TEAM does have a M and a E!" As we continue in this series, we will continue to discover that the enemy of our marriages (us) is not only Satan, but ourselves (me).

Question of the Week: If we strive to please our spouse, how will they react and how will our marriage be different?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 7-7-08

2008-08-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

July 7, 2008

Love is... Part One

Patient - Where's your focus?

Love is patient...
1 Corinthians 13:4a NIV

Have you ever been in a church service when someone stated that they were, either, praying for patience or in need of more patience? Often, in those cases, you can hear the response of the congregation by way of gasps or whispering. Why? Because we know that patience is most often the result or product of trials. So, to acquire more patience...

Perhaps this is why we are often impatient in our lives. We don't like being uncomfortable. We want out of a situation, or desperately want to be in a new one. The corresponding trial could be circumstantial, personal or relational.

Beyond impatience, what is the opposite of patience? In the marriage relationship, the answer is often selfishness. I want what I want, when I want it! Most often, in scripture, the word patient or patience is associated with our relationships with others. Scripture uses phrases such as "bearing with one another," (Eph 4:2) and it admonishes us to be "patient with everyone," (1 Thess. 5:14).

In all honesty, I'm one to be impatient at times. It happens when I'm seeking to be the one in focus, rather than focusing on God's will for our marriage and life. Subsequently, when I'm seeking to be the focus, my eyes and thoughts are turned from Robin's needs and I appear to be, and often am, impatient.

I wonder why the Apostle Paul listed this attribute of love first? Maybe it is because being patient is a hard behavior to master. This week, let's ask ourselves, where is our focus? Is it all on ourselves? Are we being impatient and pushing our spouse to be someone or something in order to get what we want? Or, are we really "bearing with one another" in the marriage relationship?

This Week's Question: If we become more patient, how will that affect our love for our spouse?

For Marriages & Families,

Dave

Monday Marriage Minder 6-30-08

2008-08-06T05:20:00.000-07:00

Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries

Monday Marriage Minder

June 30, 2008

A Look At Love

1 Cor 13:4-8a NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I've been trying to think of a subject around which I could write a series. I've had several ideas, most of which I will need some time to develop them into anything coherent and practical. The one topic that has stood out among the rest, is love. Love is, or, at least should be, at the heart, or foundation, of our relationships. True love doesn't exclude God, because we read in 1 John 4:7, that God is love and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. If we want to capture the heart of the marriage relationship, the family relationship and our relationship with God, we have but to examine love - true love.

With that in mind, over the next few weeks, we're going to be examining the verses in 1 Corinthians 13, one attribute of love at a time.

I believe we'll learn much together.

For Marriages & Families,
Dave

I Love These Vows

2008-06-12T17:21:00.001-07:00

Here We Go!

2008-02-21T07:59:00.000-08:00

This blog is created for resourcing, encouraging and networking all those involved in marriage and family ministries across our fellowship. This is brand new, so we will be crawling before we walk and walking before we run.

If you are involved in marriage ministry and want to be a team member for this blog, please contact Dave Kidd at 4marriages@embarqmail.com or leave a comment.